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| Frusteration |
| 04.12.04 (4:39 pm) [edit] |
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Today was going to be a happy day, but now I'm very frusterated. See, My old roommate Megan and I went shopping on Saturday for our bridesmaids dresses for Jo's wedding, and we found the perfect ones! We were so excited. Everything hinged on whether or not the warehouse had the dresses in stock. So I called today to see if the store could get the dresses in by the wedding, but they couldn't. So now I'm frantically calling every dealer of that designer that I can to see if anyone else can get it in by then, by any weird stretch of the imagination. Grr. If this doesn't work, maybe I'll try to order them online or something. Who knows? Anyway, I'll update when I know more.
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| "The Swan" |
| 03.31.04 (9:46 pm) [edit] |
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Have you heard of this new reality show on Fox called "The Swan?" They take women they call 'ugly ducklings' and give them plastic and cosmetic surgery to make them beautiful and then they take the most beautiful and parade them around in a beauty pagent. What the hell is this all about? Talk about degrading! I could be on that show, judging from what they're calling 'ugly ducklings.' And what woman would willingly say "Hi, America thinks I'm ugly and I don't love myself enough to dissagree, so I'm going to let you permanently change the way I look and parade me around like a dog at a dog show." I just don't understand. Anyway...I realize that this rant doesn't have any real meaning or basis in real life. I just keep seeing commercials for it and had to share my disgust. Bash away, if you must.
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| Well, hello there |
| 03.29.04 (11:44 pm) [edit] |
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Yes, I'm back. I don't really have much to say right now, as it's very late and I'm pretty tired. But I did want to stop in and say hi. So, "Hi." And goodnight for now.
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| Last one? |
| 12.12.03 (2:24 pm) [edit] |
This may be my last blog for a while, maybe even forever. My home computer is gone with my roommate who moved out yesterday and this is my last day on campus. So I just wanted to say good-bye to all you nice people who read (but never comment on ) my blog. :) Thanks for reading, and keep an eye out. I don't know how soon I'll be back.
From the end of one chapter, but the beginning of another
Becca
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| I've screwed myself over |
| 12.10.03 (3:07 pm) [edit] |
I took on way too much this semester, and just wasn't able to get it all done. I just found out I'm probably going to fail one of my classes. It's too late to do anything about it now. I've just spent the last 5 hours in the make-up lab doing that final, but I'm trying to decide if I'm going to re-take my english final. I know that I should, but that means putting in the study time and going in to do it tomorrow when I thought I was done for the semester. I will probably take it again, since I know what it is that I need to study, but DAMMIT! I just want to be done already. I'm sick and freaking tired of school that I almost don't care about any of my classes or my grades or my freaking GPA anymore. I need prayers. I'm tired. And I'm not really very close to being done with anything. Will this life never end? I just want to relax and live for myself for a change instead of doing what eveyone else expects of me. I can't freaking be perfect all the damn time. I'm done. I'll leave you alone now.
Becca
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| It's done |
| 12.06.03 (2:51 pm) [edit] |
Yes, my recording session is done. It wasn't as nerve wracking as we all thought it would be. We're pretty happy with the finished product. We could have done better, but you can always say that. :) And now I've got to go down to the library and do a lot of studying for finals next week. My boyfriend comes to town tomorrow night!! I'm so excited.
Returning to the normal side of things
Becca
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| Tomorrow is going to be.... |
| 12.05.03 (3:05 pm) [edit] |
Tomorrow is going to be interesting, to say the least. My band, The Third Echo, is recording our first, and probably only album. I'm really excited, but really nervous at the same time. I don't know what it's going to be like. I'll post and let you all know, once I know myself. Anyway, I'm going to go spend time with my roommates before we all move next week.
It's all almost over!!
Becca
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| It's coming to a close |
| 11.30.03 (9:16 pm) [edit] |
Well, Thanksgiving break is over. School starts bright and early tomorrow morning. My first final is Wednesday. My sister is supposed to be sending me some money since I sold her some CDs, so as soon as that gets here I can go buy the fabric for my Costume Construction final (a cloak). I've got to decide on a makeup to do for my Stage Makeup final. Any ideas of a good movie/book/play character with an interesting facial makeup, or something I can do with makeup and putty? Leave them in the flooble box to your right. Ugg. Lots of work still to do, but only 14 days till I move out of here and start my life anew. Ah, I'm a poet and didn't know it. Maybe I'll work that into a poem sometime. Once I get time to write poetry that is...
Coming...or going....ah, crap, I can't remember which
Becca
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| Too Much To Ask |
| 11.28.03 (8:39 pm) [edit] |
[i]Say what you mean and mean what you say,
Cause I sure the hell meant it when I said “Go Away!”
I didn’t want your company or your stubborn niceties.
I just want to be left alone to sob my pain in peace.
I knew that once you wormed your way deep inside my life.
I would never be happy again and we’d have to say good-bye.
I’ve tried to keep my distance and speak from across the room,
But you pursued the friendship that sealed me in this tomb
And now you’re leaving; I’ve been waiting for the day.
We’ll probably never speak again; I’ll never see your face.
In fifteen years you won’t know my name or that we’d ever met
And that’s ok. The way it should be. We live and then forget. [/i]
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| Ah, more money problems! |
| 11.27.03 (12:53 pm) [edit] |
I love living a life where I'm going to end up failing a class because I can't buy the materials needed to do my final project. Where I'll have 3 dollars in my bank account after my rent check clears. You know what I mean?
Ok, seriously, it really sucks right now. I'm so strapped for cash it's not even funny. I'm selling CDs, a car (if anyone will buy the hunk of junk), and possibly my PS2. In truth, not really that big of a deal. Rob has most of the CDs I'm selling, so I'll be getting them back in a few weeks. He has a PS2. And my car doesn't do me any good anyway. But, still, you know? Anyway, time to stop complaining and just get on with life. Off to do homework and pack.
Becca
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| Cold, Sore and Lonely |
| 11.25.03 (6:58 pm) [edit] |
I know. You don't want to hear any complaining. Then don't read this.
I'm cold, I'm sore and I'm lonely. I'm tired of the snow on the ground and the fact that every muscle in my body is in the tightest knot they've been in in a long time. And, I'm lonely. Here it is: Thanksgiving break. And I'm pretending to be happy about staying home all alone over the holiday and doing homework. Yeah, I've got lots of work to get done, but that doesn't mean that I want to stay home alone and do it! So, I'm going to go do dishes and then go to my room and pack some more. Or maybe I'll just sit here and watch some mind-numbing television till I fall asleep.
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| Do you still love me? |
| 11.24.03 (8:47 pm) [edit] |
[i]Do you still love me?
Or has the distance changed your mind?
I feel the doubt creeping in
And I fight to stay alive.
I need to hear you say the words,
And yet you say them everyday.
I need to know that you mean it
But my words can’t be conveyed.
You’ll think I’m being silly
Or that I want a change, but
I just need to know that
Things are still the same.
I want to see a love note
Written by your hand.
You used to send “I love you”s
Now your letters are unmanned.
Just writing this makes me cry
But you can’t see my tears.
Would you even want to?
Would my sobs assail your ears?
I’ve tried my best to love you
Though life takes us far apart
But now I feel that there’s no room
Left for me in your heart
I’m stopping now; I’ll leave you alone
Please tell me where you stand
And remember while you’re doing so
You hold my heart in your hand.
~Becca Hackett~
01*23*02[/i]
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| I'm Stealing! |
| 11.19.03 (2:04 pm) [edit] |
Yes, that's right, I've stolen a few moments of my own day to leave a blog for you all to find. Last night was amazing. It takes a lot for a group of people to make me truly proud of them, but it happened last night. My cast for "Shadowbox" totally blew everyone away. We really should have given away tissues with tickets like I suggested a week ago. Oh, well. If we did that, no one would cry. Murphy's Law, you know. So, yeah, "ShadowBox" opened last night. It was a true experience. ("No shit, Sherlock.") Anyway, I'm glad, because this will close on Friday. I'll be sad to end the run, but it will be nice to have my weekends and nights back. I'm going to get so sick this weekend, I just know it. My body is fighting as hard as it can to stay well, but it's just not going to hold out much longer. It needs more rest and food. Ah, well. Such is my life...always has been, probably always will be. :wink: I'm tired. And hungry. Big surprise, huh? :D I've got to meet with a couple of boys from one of my classes soon to discuss a class project, so I'm going to go study before they show up. I'll blog more another time.
From a world slowly coming back into alignment
Becca
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| Ah |
| 11.16.03 (6:17 pm) [edit] |
Life is slowly becoming mine again. Chalk Circle ended last night, which is a relief. I had a great time working on the show, but I'm glad it's over. I've got a little more time now. Not that I can use it for me, but I can use it for my other show, and then that will close Friday, and that'll be the end of it. Then I'll only have to wait 2 days or something and then I get to go home for Thanksgiving and help my Rob move into our apartment. Life is looking up. I'm lonely tonight. I know you don't want to hear that, but I am. Jo's here with her boyfriend and I'm sitting here listening to a CD of love songs that I borrowed from my director. It's great so far, but one of those really mushy love CDs that you have to be with someone to enjoy. It'll be better next week. Anyway, I'm going to go do some homework and then call Jeremiah and have him come give me a massage, if he's up to it. I'll try to blog more often now that I have a little more time.
From the slightly up side of life,
Becca
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| Maglergin! |
| 11.11.03 (8:50 am) [edit] |
So, yesterday I talked about how I need a break from theater. Well, after spending 8 1/2 hours working on a show yesterday I know that it's not theater I need a break from. It's just my theater classes. I'm sick of trying to learn theater in a classroom. It just doesn't work that way!
Anyway, I'm angry today, as usual. I woke up early this morning to catch a bus to school, but missed it, because I couldn't get up early enough. So I decided to catch the next one, which would make me an hour late to class, but I would have gotten there. But, no, I was sitting at the bus stop, which is right down the road from my house at the front door of the hospital. Which means that the bus has to come through the parking lot to pick up passengers. But, the damn bus didn't stop. We were sitting there and then saw the bus turn onto Main Street, completly not coming to the stop to see if there were any passengers!! So now I'm probably not going to school till 1, which means that I miss work today! I'm so damn mad! Anyway, I'm going to go play Magic:The Gathering till I feel better.
Dealing with another bad day,
Becca
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| I need a break! |
| 11.09.03 (3:49 pm) [edit] |
I've discovered I really need a break from theater. I know that sounds strange coming from me. All I ever do is theater. But I'm coming to hate my classes. Right now I have two huge assignments that I've had due for a while now, but the last thing I want to do is do them. They both require reading, or at least re-reading plays. I've always liked reading plays in the past. But I just don't want anything to do with it right now. I'm supposed to design the lights for three different moments from 'Agamemnon.' I'm not a designer! I'm just not visually artistic like that. Give me some actors and I can create a beautiful stage picture. Give me a paper and a pen, and I might be able to write a decent poem. But don't ask me to use color or anything to make something. I never have been any good at it. :( I just hope my sewing skills surpass those of any other artistic aspect. I'm making myslef a cloak for my final project in Costume Construction. I'm really excited, if I can pull it off. My roomies want me to make some for them as well, if mine comes out well. We'll see how that goes. I don't mind sewing as much as I mind designing. I don't know what to do here. I guess the only thing I can do is suck it up and do the assingments and give praise that the semester is almost over and then I'm taking some time off to gain Arizona residency and start paying off my loans.
Tired of the things I'm supposed to love
Becca
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| I hate bumming rides! |
| 11.08.03 (3:37 pm) [edit] |
I've decided that there's almost nothing worse that having to ask people for rides when you need one. Although there are little better ways to get to know someone. I've bummed three rides today alone. I rode the bus to my rehearsal (never again!) and then Jack (my director) brought me home and Brock and Jill are going to take me to my show tonight and Ian is going to bring me home. William brought me home last night and Sara the night before that. Don't know any of these people? Don't worry. I don't either. Anyway, I have to go eat dinner before my show tonight so, I'll blog more later.
What is a weekend, anyway?
Becca
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| To blog or not to blog? |
| 11.06.03 (11:15 pm) [edit] |
It's almost midnight and I'm wide awake. I got home from my show almost an hour ago, and now I'm cooking food. I can take it with me to school tomorrow and eat it during the day when I get a few minutes. Tonight we had our first show with an audience. Funny, but I wasn't nervous at all. I used to get so freaked out by theater (not that I didn't love it), and it's so second nature now that I don't think twice.
Rant time:
So, tell me, some one, please...in what world is it right that I left my house at about 6 this evening and there were no dishes in the sink. I get home about 11:15 and both sinks are full. I have to empty the dishwasher and load it and start another load before I can even get to the sink to hand-wash the pan I need to make my food. And this isn't the first time it's happened. I frequently come home from a 12 hour day and have to do dishes or something else totally ridiculous. I love my roomies, but sometimes I really feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Am I just too nice?
Really tired, and it's starting to show,
Becca
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| Well.... |
| 11.05.03 (4:54 pm) [edit] |
My life is hell. The brakes went out on my car and now I can't get around without bumming rides from people. I hate doing that! I'm out of money. 'Nuff said. I have been here at school since eight o'clock this morning, and I probably won't leave till midnight. Luckily, one of my roommates took pity on me and let me borrow two pieces of bread so that I could make myself a sandwhich to bring with me. So I'm not starving. But come midnight I probably will be, and too tired to cook anything to anything even related to anything but sleeping. A shower would be a good idea, since I didn't take one last night or this morning. Probably shouldn'ta told ya that. Anyway, I have to go email one of my professors and let her know that her class is so low on my priority list that I haven't been attending her class. That'll be fun, huh?
Smack in the middle of another ridiculous week
Becca
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| Monday, Monday, Monday |
| 11.03.03 (9:29 am) [edit] |
Yes, the week has begun again. I'm not happy. I just wish I could skip to tonight so that I can go to my rehearsals. We start dress rehearsals tonight in Chalk Circle, and I'm really excited to be wearing my costumes. I really like them. I'll take some pictures and show them to the one (or maybe two) of you who would like to see them.
Yeah, I should be in school right now, but I was afraid to drive this morning. I got into my car and started out, but the brakes on my car weren't responding well at all, and it had started snowing. It was just too much for me to try to drive in, so I came back home. I have to get to school at some point today, though. I've got to go talk to the Financial Aid department (although I could call them) and turn in a paper for Jo, since she's in Springville at a job interview today. Not to mention my rehearsals tonight. Ugg. I'm just waiting for my mom to come home so that I can talk to her about what to do about my car. I'm broke, so there's no way I'm going to be able to fix it on my own. Pray for me please!
Signing off on a Monday that's already too old,
Becca
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| What a day, what a day! |
| 11.01.03 (8:42 pm) [edit] |
I've been in rehearsals all freaking day long! UGG. But now I'm home and glad to be here. I'm not leaving any more tonight. I just wanna curl up and watch some mind numbing television and then go to bed. Which is exactly my plan. I've got tons of homework to do tomorrow, but I'll worry about that in the morning.
Finally able to sleep all she wants tomorrow
Becca
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| HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! |
| 10.31.03 (1:22 pm) [edit] |
Ok, that was much perkier than I feel, but that's ok. I'm angry because I don't get to really do anything tonight. I'm still a kid. I should be trick-or-treating or working a haunted house or something, but instead I'm going to be rehearsing for a show that's probably going to suck anyway! Grr! Then I'm just going to come home and watch some scary movies with the Meggy and then probably go to bed somewhat early because I've got an early rehearsal tomorrow morning. ARG!! I'd really just like to curl up and go to sleep, but no such luck. And to top it all off: It snew last night!! (Yes, snew. It makes much more sense than snowed.) So I'm cold and I'm lonely and I'm counting down the days till I can go see my sweetie in Arizona.
With only about 27 days till Thanksgiving Break,
Becca
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| Anyone up for random rants?? |
| 10.30.03 (2:51 pm) [edit] |
I'm so glad that Thursday is almost over. Because that means that Friday is about to start, and it's that much closer to being over. Not that I'm looking forward to my weekend that much. I'm going to be spending all day Saturday in Chalk Circle rehearsal, and all day Sunday working on one assignment or another, I'm sure.
I realized again recently how blessed I am. I currenly only have $80 in the bank, and my rent is due on the first. Rent = $205. My grandmother is sending me a hundred dollars, which is great, but still leaves me 25 dollars short. My Jo girl is lending me the money till I get paid on the 10th. I'm slowly running out of food to eat at home, but she's taking care of me. Thank God for that girl! I got really stressed out last night because I realized that I'm moving to Arizona with nothing. No money, no job, I'm lucky I've got a place to live. Again, thank God for my friends and family. I'm going to be taken care of till I can take care of myself.
Hmm...do I have any new Shadow Box quotes for you?? I don't think so. I'm so caught up in the fact that Chalk Circle opens next week that I haven't spent much time marveling at the beauty of Shadow Box.
I'm living just to get through today. Rob asked me the other night if that doesn't put me behind. Yes, in fact, it does. It's all I can do to get everything done for today, I don't have time to worry about tomorrow yet. I'll figure that out in the morning. What a sad way to live, huh? But, hey, that's been me for years. Ask anyone who's known me that long, they'll tell ya.
Anyway, I have to go get ready for rehearsal number one for today. Signing off from almost the bottom of today's hill.
Becca
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| I think I've done it. |
| 10.27.03 (5:35 pm) [edit] |
Yes, I think I've made up my mind. I'm moving to Arizona in December. I'm scared, but mostly because I'm not scared. I'm comfortable with the change. Yeah, it's kinda scary, moving away and having to start over, but my heart will be home, and that's the whole point. Nothing really new going on. I would quote some more from "Shadow Box", but I don't really wanna drag my script out of my bag. Maybe next time.
Of all the things to be afraid of, is not being afraid one of them?
Becca
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| I've done it! |
| 10.26.03 (1:32 pm) [edit] |
Yes, that's right, I've finally beaten Final Fantasy X! I'm really proud of myself. I just decided that this would be the weekend to do it, and I did. I haven't gotten all the extras, like the legendary weapons and such, but the final boss is toast! So, I'm probably going to return the game from the friends I borrowed it from today and hopefully trade it for Kingdom Hearts. I'm pretty close to beating that one, but I haven't played since like July or something. But that's ok. I'll pick it back up quickly enough and have that one done in a little while. I didn't do a darn thing yesterday except beat my roomie at Magic:The Gathering and do a lot of reading. Oh, and we had practice for our band last night, too. That was great. We managed to play all 13 or so songs we have completed, fixing one of them, and start a new one. We actually have enough music for an album now, and if I wasn't working such long hours we actually might be able to meet up with my friend who owns a recording studio and cut the album. We'll see if that ever happens, with everyone planning on moving and everything. Umm, now I've got all kinds of things to think about if I move. Maybe I'll take a semester off and just work for a while. That might be a good idea. I'd have to figure things out about my loans though. Ugg, so much to consider.
Trying in vain to make everything make work
Becca
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